We’ve done things we’re not proud of. We’ve selfishly destroyed bridges and let things crumble as we look on. Within the duration of our pains, we’ve caused others pain as well. It’s a part of our humanness but this fact doesn’t make it hurt less. Sometimes we silently hate each other. Sometimes we destroy things and lash out. Sometimes we self-destruct. Long-term suffering and hopelessness can explode and break things and burn them down. When we’re afraid, we’re hurting. “When this fear is passed down, spread around and conditioned as the default method of survival, chaos is inevitable.”
I’ve crashed and burned a few times in my life too and each time I take some casualties. I have inflicted hurt without ever intentionally setting out to hurt anyone. I’ve avoided things solely because I can. I’ve been so absorbed in my issues that I’ve left things unfinished without explanation. I’ve been neglectful and wrapped up in myself. I’ve lured in good people and dumped them without a word to be with empty people who didn’t like me half as much. I’ve called on people I care about to help me in tough times and then didn’t return the favor. There are people in this world who think of me and feel let down or worse still, hurt. The kind of hurt that molders and leaves an ugly scar. There is a beautiful part to it. Stepping into humility and receiving some grace after the mess up and mistakes…Forgiveness. It is a big part of the process.
They are not taboo…mistakes, they don’t define the future. Mistakes are as necessary as they are courageous. They humble us, push us to look for the good in the life that’s currently all around. Like, notice how it’s the blunders that have birthed a more flexible perspective or cultivated a kinder person? That is accretion and it sprouts out of the most uncomfortable situations. I’ve learned to show myself compassion. To forgive self, this is a part of the growth. Healing is inherently a matter of forgiveness.
Forgiveness teaches us how to survive in this world where awful things are bound to happen and nothing is guaranteed. Forgiveness teaches us that we can’t feel selectively. We can’t be numb to pain and not be numb to joy. We can’t be numb to ourselves and not be numb to others.When we choose love and have hope, we are choosing life. We are forgiving our circumstances, our fears, our yesterdays and tomorrows. We are forgiving the injustice, the pain we have felt and the opportunities we missed. In forgiving ourselves and the rest of the world for our collective humanness and all the ways we’ve forgotten how to love, we are healing.
Healing is to be responsible for the space we occupy in the world and society. When we choose to take care of our souls and heal, the cycle of resentment and retaliation is broken and we make the world a little less toxic, more unified. Multiply your pain by all the people in the world and that’s why we are so divided. We all handle pain differently but hurt people hurt people.
Reminder: Every wave is for you. Whether you float or drown, every wave is yours and for all of us too. Ride the waves. Sink if you must. Crash, but then heal.
We all individually make a difference because healing, I’ve come to believe, has an activation effect. It spreads. We send love in the form of kindness to one another. We build each other up and share ideas. Sometimes we motivate and start revolutions using gratitude as our reminder. Long-term gratitude gives birth to miracles that erase our doubts and give us courage. “When this love is passed down, spread around and conditioned as the default method of survival, hope is inevitable.”