There will be people in your life who defy logic, blissfully unaware of the negative impact that they have on those around them. These people are toxic; slowly, destructive. The thing is, not all toxic, destructive people are cruel and uncaring. I believe some might actually love you dearly and have good intentions. They aren’t inherently bad people but they aren’t right for you or your soul.
A lot of sensitive, introspective people have a problem: attracting people…I don’t want to say “…who are toxic”. “Toxic” seems like a label in itself that’s just a thin line away from judgmental depending on how it’s dealt with. (I will address that later).
The point is calm waters are the best places for chaos right? Sensitive people attract people who enjoy pushing buttons, messing with emotions and all the while under the facade of friendship. Maybe this is because we always make excuses for people or we are “attentive listeners”. Maybe it’s because we have issues saying no. In one way or another we have all been brushed, or drenched, with the poison of the inconsiderate. The most common are:
THE CRITICAL JUDGE:
When they can no longer control you they’ll try to control how other people see you through misinformation.
Judgmental people are quick to tell you exactly what is and isn’t cool. They have a way of taking the thing you’re most passionate about and making you feel terrible about it. Instead of appreciating and learning from people who are different from them, judgmental people look down on others. Judgmental people stifle your desire to be a passionate, expressive person. They are control freaks by nature. And this nature of theirs isn’t limited to their own life. They would always want to control different aspects of your life. They’re never okay with your differences since according to them they are the parameters of everything. They might call you names. They follow the insane rule of gossip bringing people closer and might drift a bit when you don’t fully partake. It’s a trap. They derive pleasure from other people’s misfortunes. Peering into everyone’s faux pas is a favorite pastime as everything needs to be scrutinize by them. And of course, they’d have an opinion on everything. Judges are contagious. Their toxicity spreads like a virus.
They project their own character defects unto you. They do this by accusing you of the very actions they do but deny.
You can love them, forgive them, and wish them well but still forget them. Literally giving them zero negative power over your space.
Manipulators always want something from you, and if you look back on your relationships with them, it’s all take, take, take, with little or no giving. They’ll do anything to win you over just so they can work you over.
They come first in everything. Put it simply, they’re utterly selfish. Everything has to be about them. Do not expect gratitude from them, because they have a tendency to believe that the world is there to serve them. A manipulator knows you well and will try to use this or your past self against you to discredit you. They have no qualms about playing the victim or lying to get their way. They might even have you blaming yourself as perhaps there was a time in your life when you weren’t self-assured and you were so wretchedly compliant that you allowed this person to walk all over you. Do not overlook the skills in their arsenal when it comes to getting into your head. Just remember that you’re now free of shackles. You have your own path and you don’t need to create space for anyone who doesn’t respect that.
They speak about other people to you exactly how they speak about you to other people.
THE RESENTFUL Co-DEPENDENT :
They’ll attach themselves like cinder blocks toed to your ankles, then they’ll invite you to swim in their poisoned waters.
Now, this is a thing that sucks the life out of you making you question your worth or value. This is one of the most destructive poisons in human form.
They will take your need for space personally and use resentment as punishment. They’ll give you the cold shoulder over nothing that you’re guilty of. Don’t let it drain your energy. Resentful people are never really happy for you and can be sort of overly dramatic and attract drama to your life. They’ll have you bending around yourself like a wire in an endless attempt to please them only to never really succeed. They somehow feel entitled to what you can’t give. They are fair weather birds who’ll be attached to your spine if they need a favor. When someone you care about comes to you in distress, it’s an awful feeling to not be able to give them what they need. It is a devilish kind of trickery, the “I can’t do this without you” is all about and for the comfort you provide. It’s all conditional. What is really happening is boundaries are not being respected and kindness is being abused. It most likely isn’t right if it doesn’t feel right. Relationships are built on love and mutual understanding, not guilt.